Welcome Mama,

No matter what stage of motherhood you are at, you are in your matrescence season. Maybe you’ve never heard that word before? Matrescence is literally a reconfiguration of you. It is a transformation so profound and it touches every area of your life and yet most of us have no language for what we go through when we become mothers. I want to change that by helping you understand what happens when you have a baby - no matter how far along you are, no matter what age your children are. Matrescence has no end date. 

Matrescence is a human developmental transition and is part of the overall development we go through in a lifetime. Every mother, no matter how her children come to her, will experience her own version of matrescence. Adolescence was your transition to adulthood, matrescence is your transition to motherhood.

The term matrescence was first coined by Anthropologist Dana Raphael first coined the term in the 70s - she also coined the term doula. But the word matrescence quickly disappeared until the 2000s when Dr Aurelie Athan came across Ms Raphael's writing. Dr Athan brought the term back to life through her work and research in her own lab at Columbia University. 

When a baby is born a mother is born too. And this is the piece we don’t focus on enough in today’s society. The narrative around having a baby is: what hospital are you going to, are you having a girl or a boy?, are you having a baby shower?, are you going back to work after maternity leave?, are you breastfeeding or bottlefeeding?, what buggy did you get?, etc. When she has the baby the focus shifts to ‘bouncing back’, fitting into pre-pregnancy clothes, making sure the first trip outside the house is successful and instagram worthy, questions such as “is the baby sleeping through the night yet” or “are they a good sleeper?”. But when do we ask “how do you feel, mama?”, “What’s going on for you?”

These are important questions given the lie we’ve all been sold that mothering comes naturally. That once we hold our babies for the first time our natural instincts will kick in. This isn’t true. Mothering is learned. And there’s no one way to mother, every mother will find her own way. When given the support to feel into her experience she can figure out what works best for her.

With matrescence comes profound changes in the life of a woman. Her identity shifts. Her world is no longer just ‘me’, it’s ‘we’ forever now. Every thought, every decision, every want and every need is no longer just hers anymore. Her brain has shifted so much in order to be able to care for a tiny human being. Her hormones have dropped off a cliff, her body is forever changed, her energy levels are changed and more in demand, and every relationship in her life has changed. Her worldview too may have changed. How she feels about her life pre-baby may be taking up a lot of space in her head. She might be wondering when things will return to ‘normal', she might be mourning her pre-baby life or she might be happy to say goodbye to all of that. None of these scenarios are definitive, none of them right, none of them wrong. They are states of being and each one unique to the woman experiencing them. Every single mother will have a different experience.

But here’s where matrescence gives us something that can be life changing for mothers. It gives us a new framework and language to understand everything we feel when we become a mother. Every doubt, every difficulty, every challenge, every conflicting emotion, the sleep deprivation that robs us of any sort of grasp on reality and the all-encompassing feeling that your whole world has been turned upside down. When we know that these are all normal parts of becoming a mother they start to feel less heavy. When we have a new language and framework to use for our experiences we stop relying on ones that perhaps don’t fit the picture for most of us anymore.

And for mothers who are further down the road on their matrescence journey - you can now make sense of all of those years that maybe didn’t make sense up to now. The fuzz might lift for you, the realisation that there was and is nothing wrong with you because it all felt so hard and heavy can be so freeing. This new understanding will allow you to take a breath.

Would you like to understand how matrescence shaped your experience?

Book a free 30 minute consultation call with Ciara.